she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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