I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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