I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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