Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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