did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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