Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize