I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
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Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize