I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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