It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize