The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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