3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize