His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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