Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.

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  (310): If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth. http://tfl.nu/s1or
  Replies (14) Good night (828) Bad night (2478) Order T-Shirt
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  (253): View more from Washington

  My mind says no, but my body says yes.

  (703): View more from Virginia

  What does your body say about chlamydia?

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  (253): My mind says no, but my body says yes. (703): What does your body say about chlamydia? http://tfl.nu/53wo
  Replies (17) Good night (497) Bad night (2897)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes

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  (508): the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes http://tfl.nu/rtqh
  Replies (6) Good night (762) Bad night (3541) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.

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  (703): I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking. http://tfl.nu/6jrt
  Replies (146) Good night (4434) Bad night (869) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.

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  (859): let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break. http://tfl.nu/x35d
  Replies (23) Good night (4988) Bad night (793) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.

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  (336): he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater. http://tfl.nu/8ycg
  Replies (3) Good night (3244) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game

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  (651): Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game http://tfl.nu/de08
  Replies (13) Good night (1540) Bad night (522) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.

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  (330): Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered. http://tfl.nu/lz30
  Replies (8) Good night (465) Bad night (1155) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon

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  (859): She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon http://tfl.nu/ch80
  Replies (5) Good night (1488) Bad night (494) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.

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  (+44): He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut. http://tfl.nu/kqfa
  Replies (20) Good night (1821) Bad night (615) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah

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  (479): I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah http://tfl.nu/ef97
  Replies (9) Good night (1514) Bad night (386) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good

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  (262): Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good http://tfl.nu/xfxr
  Replies (3) Good night (1038) Bad night (359) Order T-Shirt
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded

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  (608): At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded http://tfl.nu/pkjm
  Replies (2) Good night (991) Bad night (177) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?

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  (617): Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night? http://tfl.nu/bhmq
  Replies (4) Good night (280) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.

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  (817): He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before. http://tfl.nu/79xu
  Replies (4) Good night (829) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt

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