I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
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I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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