Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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