i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
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