She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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