if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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