I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
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I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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