I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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