She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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