you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
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Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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