Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize