You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
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I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
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we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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