i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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