i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
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I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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