Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
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Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
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i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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