Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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