I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
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