I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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