I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
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When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
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Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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