Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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