Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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