I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize