adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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