mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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