Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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