Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize