I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We have started to decorate penises.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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