Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
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If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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