I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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