I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
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at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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