We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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