I wish I could punch you in the face.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
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The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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