remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize