god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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