No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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