I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize