someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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