she woke up with a sticky ear
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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